A Message From My Deathbed
Hey you've reached Slam. I can't reach my phone... I'm too busy contemplating the meaning of life to actually get involved in it! Leave a message at the beep if you got the big answer bruh.
Hello! Hey! Your deathbed here. You’ve been ignoring my calls for 30+ years, I know the number shows up funny, so I guess I’ll just leave a message…
I’ll try to keep this short and sweet. I really just wanted to touch base! I know this is where you think you’ll end up - many of you humans do. And I can’t blame you. Your brain was designed to fight and believe in your seemingly long (on average of 71.1 woman years) existence. I know you think death is a far away place looming at the edge of all you want to do in the world and in your life, but that’s why I’ve been calling.
Death is rather unthinkable for you humans. You push it down and try to ignore it, but in reality it’s actually rather thinkable, isn’t it? It happens to every single one of you, and it’s hurling at a rate you’ll never know until it smacks you with a vehicle, or with cancer, or quietly in your sleep. It’s a great mystery to you - your death. And I know I shouldn’t tell you this, but I know how and when you’ll die. But I'm also here to tell you it’s none of your business. I’ve been sworn into secrecy from the Deathbed Fellowship to never speak of such things with humans, so don’t bother asking me.
I’ve noticed that thing you do, the one where you avoid your problems (problems YOU created), with alcohol, or whatever have you. You’re good at boarding planes - and not just planes that fly in the sky - to jet-set away from what you can't bear to face. I’ve seen you do it and you know you have, too. But death may not be the plane crash you've been hoping for. It may not be sudden. And wouldn’t that be a lovely way to die, on a plane falling towards the Earth so fast with so much adrenaline pumping you won’t even have a chance to regret what you didn’t do. Because that’s what you’ll regret, sweet human. Not what you did do, but what you didn’t do.
The money you made (but never appreciated) won’t be what you think of, nor will the thought arise to post one last selfie on Instagram. No, no. It will be more about the power you surrendered to others to remain looking cool. It will suddenly dawn on you all the power you had, and how you wasted it to keep up an image no one actually cared about. Because all of the others are doing the same exact thing - consuming themselves with the fear of what others will think. Everyone is too busy fearing their own life to care about yours. So you must be the one to care about yours. I’ve seen many a human lie here filled with so much regret, and I couldn’t bear to see that happen to you.
You see, if I told you when you were going to die and exactly what your purpose was, you’d spend the rest of your days doing everything you ought to on a dire timeline. But we don't make things that easy for you. So I'll let you in on a secret, one I'm advised not to say, but for you I will. We let you figure it out for yourself because we know with all that we are the power you hold and that you are entirely capable of doing so.
When you're young you understand it because you're perfectly fine with not understanding it. But then someone comes along so consumed with what happened to them they impede on all your glorious wonder, and you let them ruin it for you! You let someone take that power from you. So you stray for quite some time not realizing it's become your life's purpose to unwind the thread of trauma just to find your power again. What would be the point of living if not to find your power? Everyone would get everything done too fast, and we'd be awfully bored. We don't give you a life of perfect sense, we gave you a life to explore because we love you and believe in you. So can you see now that you've spent much of your precious time focusing on what you can't do instead of what you can? All because of another human who was likely once told they couldn't either? I could choke all of you, you silly, obscure humans.
So you go about lost and pondering the subtle things in life instead of the major things. You ponder if you want oat milk or almond milk in your latte. You ponder if you want the enchilada or the fucking burrito. You spend your days hungover, wishing you hadn’t done or said the thing you did or said, consuming the space where you could be doing the things you actually want to do and say. You may think knowing how and when you die would allow you to see the power you hold over your existence. But it’s yours, and you already have it. You are going to die. It’s certainly coming for you, and yet you wonder if this shirt makes you look fat. It's quite funny to watch, believe it or not this human experience is a comedy.
So let your death remain the mystery it is. There’s an even greater mystery at large, one that is far more important than your death - and that’s your precious life. You see, I know when and where and even how you’ll die you beautiful being, but what you do with the rest of your life from now until then is completely unknown to not only me, but also to you. Your future, as long or as short as it may be, is entirely open and unknown. Which is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever confessed. You carry so much weight from your past that it floods your future with what you think will happen. But none of you humans can know what will happen in your future, and you avoid what could happen by never doing anything! When we created you we never intended for things to get so messy. You're all quite good at making a fuss of the messes you create. It's impressive, really.
The stories you tell yourself about what has happened are just that - stories. You don’t have to believe them anymore. I know you once thought they protected you, but they act as a noose that keeps you from leaping into all you could be. There is no noose, you know? It’s just something you imagined. I know where it begins and ends for you, but I don’t know what you will do in the meantime. Do you see what that means?
The long answer and the short answer is it means anything and everything, but never nothing. It means that you were born and you will die, and everything in-between is up to you to interpret, sweet pea. And whatever horrific things you believe were done to you were just things that were done to you. They have no real effect on what you can achieve... or not achieve. There is time left, but you can never know how much. So what will you do with it, and why are you waiting? What is the sign you’re searching for?
I’ll let you know that you can make up any sign you want, so if you need one let this be it. Let this voicemail remind you that the word urgent doesn’t do justice for what I’m trying to make clear. You have now - I mean right now, to do whatever it is you feel compelled to do. I know you want to share yourself, I know you think others won't understand, but you're not even giving them the opportunity to choose for themselves. So have the hard conversations and stop living in the fog of who you’ve told yourself you are. Stop living in the fog of who others have told you you are. Stop believing in the stories in your head that hold you back from taking action. Stop. There is much we want to see you do.
I don’t want to take up any more of your time in the world with this voicemail. You think you’re waiting for me and I’m waiting for you, but I am as present as this moment. Your life will become your deathbed if you keep considering all you could’ve, should’ve, or would’ve done. Or all you could, should, or would do. Your life is everyone you know, everything you do, and everything that happens to you - make sure you feel empowered by all of it. We gave you that lovely brain of yours to perceive things however you want! Your life is everything, and all of it makes you more - the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. All of the work you put forth will guide you into completion, and you will die in that time.
There are hard days ahead, but the day you are seeking to take action is here. The moment you are waiting for has just passed, and with each second your death comes closer and closer, until it will take your last breath from you. The grand finale of your story is only one component. Stop pretending it isn't knocking and that there is time to waste. I believe in and of you. What others believe is their own perception and hasn't got a god damned thing to do with you.
Best wishes and condolences on the tears to come, they will be worth it all… in the end.
I love you, but don't call me back.